Please remember that this person is
made of natural materials and we are
not liable for his many and various
inconsistencies and defects. Contents have settled with age and misuse.

If you are not totally satisified with this item, please return the entire package with your receipt. We shall endeavour to send you an enhanced model, although this may not be ready for a number of years.

Your statutory rights are undoubtedly f%$€*d.